[While explaining a problem]:
"Mathematicians don't just do this to take tests, you know."
[High pitched voice]"You mean there are no more tests after this?"
[deep voice] "NO!"

[Mimicking a student whose calculator has been taken away]:
"Good Lord! You've made me naked in the eyes of my intellectual
compatriots!"

[Revealing an exciting mathematical principle]:
"Don't you have the feeling you're talking with God?"

[Commenting on the courage of his students]:
"We have MEN in this class.... And women too, yes, yes, yes... tough
ladies."

[Talking to student Tejus Parikh]:
Mr. Neumer: "Trejus, do this problem."
Tejus: "Mr. Neumer, my name doesn't have an R."
Mr. Neumer: "It sounds better that way. Put an R in there. Trejus
sounds like a Roman emperor... Hail Trejus!"

[Complaining about students who complicate problems unnecessarily]:
"Where's your laziness when I need it?"

[Looking towards the ceiling]:
"I used to be a teacher in a different galaxy."

[On the difference between average rate of change and exact rate of change]:
"This way is exactamundo... This way is approxamundo... The two mundos
are pretty close together."

[Snapping himself out of a story]:
"I've forgotten why I'm telling you this story... but somehow it's
appropriate!"

[After showing students how to calculate Taylor polynomials]:
"We can't restrain you now! You're failing your history test because
you're calculating all of these! Will that get you anywhere? NO! But
you'll be happy!"

"Why have your calculator witness this beauty when you can do it
yourself?"

"Show me the polynomial!" [mimicking "show me the money!"]

[Speaking of a challenging differential equation]:
"I felt it talking to me... I know I shouldn't listen to voices!"

[Admitting a mistake]:
"You are right, I am wrong, but I don't want to admit it."

[Specifying the difference between too equations]:
"Gaze ye. This is a minus, not a plus, but a minus." - 9 Mar 1999

[As a student explains how to do a problem on the board]:
"Notice how I pretend I don't know what I'm doing here."

[Describing social life in college]:
Mr. Neumer: "Guys in mathematics are IN on campus."
Student: "Who said that?"
Mr. Neumer: "ME!"

[Referring to a deceptive problem]:
"Out of simplicity, you may have... DRAGONS lurking."

[Marveling the intricate algebra of a problem]:
"Just look at that blackboard... isn't that amazing? It looks like a
bunch of snow."

[On his love of music]:
"I'm going to try out for Mrs. Goldstein's choir."

[Berating a student who had forgotten his trig identities]:
"Do you remember the phone number of your girlfriend from sophomore year?
Don't call now... You'll probably get some guy. [gruff voice] 'Yea
what do you want?' WOAH!"

[After making a mistake]:
"Gotta watch that grape juice... it's fermenting."

[To a student who constantly challenges him with stupid questions (i.e. me)]:
"Thank you, Homer Simpson."
"You should wear a Merlin hat, and a wand with some robes."

[On writing out all the steps to a problem]:
"I have a fetish about writing on the board with chalk."

[On an easy problem]:
"Your doorknobs at home would appreciate what that is."

[On his social life]:
"I'd love to take Xena to the prom. Now THERE'S a woman!"

[On calculating power series]:
"Admit it, kids. Admit it. In a way... THESE ARE FUN!"

"You don't know whether you'll have the bear by the tail!" - 13 Apr 1999

"You have to see if there is a unicorn in your
front yard. In other words, there's nothing there" - 14 Apr 1999

"In this class, we separate the gold from the chaff!"

"Hey look! It's Mike Amandes back from Japan! ... No?
It's Mike Amandes back from Spain!" [Mike shows him the shirt he is wearing,
which is clearly Italian] "Oh, he visited Italy too while he was in Germany!" - 19 Apr 1999

"Oh, I'd like to kiss the lad, oh yes, I would!" - 2X Apr 1999

[On pot]
"No, not that bong! There was a bong before your bong and my bong was musical!" - 26 Apr 1999

"One over x minus deeble-deeble-deeble"